Sleepless in Denver

It's 11:45. I need to get up in less than six hours to head to the airport and I'm not even slightly drowsy. Since I quit taking Melatonin before starting stims, I didn't think to bring some along for post-retrieval.

Dr. Schoolcraft ended up doing my retrieval today. Since my left ovary loves to hide out behind my uterus, I was hoping that either Dr. Surrey or Dr. Schoolcraft would do my retrieval since they have the most experience. Dr. Schoolcraft never came in to say hello before or after my retrieval. It's kind of strange to me that he poked a needle through my vaginal wall, but I've never spoken one word to the man, LOL. Then again, he's such a god in the infertility world that meeting him would have probably raised my alreadly elevated blood pressure so maybe it's just as well. I was the only retrieval today. My nurse, Jennifer, was an absolute doll and took exceptional care of me. With my cycle in May, the nurse told me how many eggs they got as soon as I woke up, but Jennifer wasn't told that vital piece of information. Since I worry about everything throughout this process, I freaked out a bit that the news was really crappy.

When I spoke to the embryologist, I requested that they perform D2 ICSI on any eggs that mature overnight. Last cycle my only D2 ICSI'd egg made it to the early blast stage so I definitely feel like D2 ICSI is worthwhile for me (personally, I think they should do it routinely on everyone). My IVF nurse said she thinks that my blasts (trying to be optimistic) will be tested in-house, which I've been told is about a two week wait for test results. For some reason she said that not all patients have in-house testing, but I didn't ask what the determining factor is. I meant to ask the embryologist if my testing would be done in-house, but I was still a bit groggy when she came in & I forgot so I'll have to ask her tomorrow.

I'd say 90%+ of me is relieved to know that this is my last cycle with my OE. I know that many of you have cycled many more times than I have and I'm absolutely amazed at your fortitude. It felt liberating to throw away my Follistim pen on Thursday night after my trigger. On Friday I did have a few moments when it hurt to realize that this truly is the last shot with my OE. I'm an only child so I don't have any nieces or nephews to carry on my family's genetics and that does hurt. In total I've produced 25 eggs at CCRM. If 25 eggs doesn't get the job done, I think it's incredibly doubtful another cycle would do the trick. Plus, I'm just done emotionally and physically. Sure, there's a part of me that wants this cycle to succeed so that my baby will have my genetics, but that has become so much less important to me than just being a mom. I truly do believe that the universe will give me the child I'm meant to have.

Tonight we went to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner & then to Coldstone for ice cream (my stomach wasn't quite up for cheesecake although their new peanut butter cup cheesecake looked really yummy). I wanted to go to The Grand Lux for dinner (it's owned by the same company as TCF & they make many of their desserts during your meal...the chocolate molten cake is extraordinary & I'm not even a chocolate nut). However, we went to the Grand Lux after my retrieval this spring so, just in case it was my post-retrieval meal that screwed up that cycle, I refused to tempt fate and eat there again. I don't think I mentioned that while walking my dogs on the day I left Dallas for Denver, I found a penny that was heads up. It got tucked into a special place in my wallet. I then found 50 cents at the airport & was seated in Row 7 on my flight. Since I had 13 eggs last cycle and we all know how that turned out, I'm hoping lady luck will be on my side this cycle. Silly, I know.

I'm still not sleepy, but since I have to drive to the airport bright and early, I'd better try to at least rest a bit. I can't wait to get back home. I've missed my dad, my friends, and my pooches so much (the latter most of all, but don't tell anybody!).

Goodnight, ladies.

T.