Last night I dreamt that I had an awesome D6 report, which turned out to be a great harbinger of things to come. I was hoping for three blasts and that at least one would be a D5 blast since my only blast last cycle was a D6. Well, I have not one, not two, not three, but FOUR D5 blasts!! It has been several hours since John gave me the news and I still cannot believe it. The blasts were rated 5AA, 4AA, 3AB, and 3BB. I know that finding a normal in this batch is still a big hurdle given my history, but I'm extremely grateful that this time I have a fighting chance.
Thank you for all of your good thoughts! I don't know what I would do without you ladies.
T.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Tick Tock
Seriously, it's only TUESDAY?? The last few days have felt like an enternity despite my being very busy trying to catch up on everything both at work and at home. With my last cycle, I insisted on a D3 report from CCRM's lab. The report couldn't have been any better yet only one embryo made it to blast. Today was D3 and a part of me wanted to call the lab to ask for a progress report; however, I resisted since I figured a glowing report wouldn't reassure me in the least anyway and a disappointing report would only upset me. I'm just so friggin' sick of waiting. I feel like it's all I've done since the day I started TTC. Wait, wait, wait, & hope. Hope that this time will be different. Please let it be different.
Approx. 60 hours to go. My boss is letting me take Friday off even though it's the last business day of the month, which is usually a big no no. To try to keep myself sane, I'm going to work on cleaning out my closets while I wait for the D6 call.
T.
Approx. 60 hours to go. My boss is letting me take Friday off even though it's the last business day of the month, which is usually a big no no. To try to keep myself sane, I'm going to work on cleaning out my closets while I wait for the D6 call.
T.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Fertilization Report
The embryologist I spoke to after my retrieval said they would have my fertilization numbers by 8:00am. She promised to call me by 10:00am so that she could reach me before I boarded my flight. By 8:20 I couldn't stand the waiting & worrying so I called the lab. I was immediately transferred to John, the head embryologist. He's such a super nice guy! Here are my numbers:
12 eggs retrieved
9 mature
8 fertilized
The three immature eggs did not mature overnight so they won't be ICSI'd. I'm encouraged by the high fertilization rate. Last cycle it was about 70%, which is below CCRM's 80% average for ICSI. Since I'm using DS from a youngish guy, I was pretty surprised that my fertilization rate was below average. This time the fertilization rate is almost 90%...I hope that's a good sign that these eight eggs are better quality. This is the same number of eggs I had fertilize on D1 last cycle. I can only hope that a few more make it to blast this time to give me a fighting shot at finding a normal embryo. John said they would call on Friday with my D6 report. Whether my biopsies go to New Jersey or stay in-house depends upon which lab can get the results back faster. He said they can pretty much only do one patient per day at CCRM while the NJ lab can do a higher volume. My guess is that two weeks is a conservative estimate so hopefully my actual wait will be a bit shorter than that. At any rate, it should be much shorter than the five week wait I had this spring. I just hope there's one good embryo in this bunch.
Thanks for all of the good thoughts, ladies! The next 120 hours are going to go by very slowly.
Hugs,
T.
12 eggs retrieved
9 mature
8 fertilized
The three immature eggs did not mature overnight so they won't be ICSI'd. I'm encouraged by the high fertilization rate. Last cycle it was about 70%, which is below CCRM's 80% average for ICSI. Since I'm using DS from a youngish guy, I was pretty surprised that my fertilization rate was below average. This time the fertilization rate is almost 90%...I hope that's a good sign that these eight eggs are better quality. This is the same number of eggs I had fertilize on D1 last cycle. I can only hope that a few more make it to blast this time to give me a fighting shot at finding a normal embryo. John said they would call on Friday with my D6 report. Whether my biopsies go to New Jersey or stay in-house depends upon which lab can get the results back faster. He said they can pretty much only do one patient per day at CCRM while the NJ lab can do a higher volume. My guess is that two weeks is a conservative estimate so hopefully my actual wait will be a bit shorter than that. At any rate, it should be much shorter than the five week wait I had this spring. I just hope there's one good embryo in this bunch.
Thanks for all of the good thoughts, ladies! The next 120 hours are going to go by very slowly.
Hugs,
T.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Sleepless in Denver
It's 11:45. I need to get up in less than six hours to head to the airport and I'm not even slightly drowsy. Since I quit taking Melatonin before starting stims, I didn't think to bring some along for post-retrieval.
Dr. Schoolcraft ended up doing my retrieval today. Since my left ovary loves to hide out behind my uterus, I was hoping that either Dr. Surrey or Dr. Schoolcraft would do my retrieval since they have the most experience. Dr. Schoolcraft never came in to say hello before or after my retrieval. It's kind of strange to me that he poked a needle through my vaginal wall, but I've never spoken one word to the man, LOL. Then again, he's such a god in the infertility world that meeting him would have probably raised my alreadly elevated blood pressure so maybe it's just as well. I was the only retrieval today. My nurse, Jennifer, was an absolute doll and took exceptional care of me. With my cycle in May, the nurse told me how many eggs they got as soon as I woke up, but Jennifer wasn't told that vital piece of information. Since I worry about everything throughout this process, I freaked out a bit that the news was really crappy.
When I spoke to the embryologist, I requested that they perform D2 ICSI on any eggs that mature overnight. Last cycle my only D2 ICSI'd egg made it to the early blast stage so I definitely feel like D2 ICSI is worthwhile for me (personally, I think they should do it routinely on everyone). My IVF nurse said she thinks that my blasts (trying to be optimistic) will be tested in-house, which I've been told is about a two week wait for test results. For some reason she said that not all patients have in-house testing, but I didn't ask what the determining factor is. I meant to ask the embryologist if my testing would be done in-house, but I was still a bit groggy when she came in & I forgot so I'll have to ask her tomorrow.
I'd say 90%+ of me is relieved to know that this is my last cycle with my OE. I know that many of you have cycled many more times than I have and I'm absolutely amazed at your fortitude. It felt liberating to throw away my Follistim pen on Thursday night after my trigger. On Friday I did have a few moments when it hurt to realize that this truly is the last shot with my OE. I'm an only child so I don't have any nieces or nephews to carry on my family's genetics and that does hurt. In total I've produced 25 eggs at CCRM. If 25 eggs doesn't get the job done, I think it's incredibly doubtful another cycle would do the trick. Plus, I'm just done emotionally and physically. Sure, there's a part of me that wants this cycle to succeed so that my baby will have my genetics, but that has become so much less important to me than just being a mom. I truly do believe that the universe will give me the child I'm meant to have.
Tonight we went to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner & then to Coldstone for ice cream (my stomach wasn't quite up for cheesecake although their new peanut butter cup cheesecake looked really yummy). I wanted to go to The Grand Lux for dinner (it's owned by the same company as TCF & they make many of their desserts during your meal...the chocolate molten cake is extraordinary & I'm not even a chocolate nut). However, we went to the Grand Lux after my retrieval this spring so, just in case it was my post-retrieval meal that screwed up that cycle, I refused to tempt fate and eat there again. I don't think I mentioned that while walking my dogs on the day I left Dallas for Denver, I found a penny that was heads up. It got tucked into a special place in my wallet. I then found 50 cents at the airport & was seated in Row 7 on my flight. Since I had 13 eggs last cycle and we all know how that turned out, I'm hoping lady luck will be on my side this cycle. Silly, I know.
I'm still not sleepy, but since I have to drive to the airport bright and early, I'd better try to at least rest a bit. I can't wait to get back home. I've missed my dad, my friends, and my pooches so much (the latter most of all, but don't tell anybody!).
Goodnight, ladies.
T.
Dr. Schoolcraft ended up doing my retrieval today. Since my left ovary loves to hide out behind my uterus, I was hoping that either Dr. Surrey or Dr. Schoolcraft would do my retrieval since they have the most experience. Dr. Schoolcraft never came in to say hello before or after my retrieval. It's kind of strange to me that he poked a needle through my vaginal wall, but I've never spoken one word to the man, LOL. Then again, he's such a god in the infertility world that meeting him would have probably raised my alreadly elevated blood pressure so maybe it's just as well. I was the only retrieval today. My nurse, Jennifer, was an absolute doll and took exceptional care of me. With my cycle in May, the nurse told me how many eggs they got as soon as I woke up, but Jennifer wasn't told that vital piece of information. Since I worry about everything throughout this process, I freaked out a bit that the news was really crappy.
When I spoke to the embryologist, I requested that they perform D2 ICSI on any eggs that mature overnight. Last cycle my only D2 ICSI'd egg made it to the early blast stage so I definitely feel like D2 ICSI is worthwhile for me (personally, I think they should do it routinely on everyone). My IVF nurse said she thinks that my blasts (trying to be optimistic) will be tested in-house, which I've been told is about a two week wait for test results. For some reason she said that not all patients have in-house testing, but I didn't ask what the determining factor is. I meant to ask the embryologist if my testing would be done in-house, but I was still a bit groggy when she came in & I forgot so I'll have to ask her tomorrow.
I'd say 90%+ of me is relieved to know that this is my last cycle with my OE. I know that many of you have cycled many more times than I have and I'm absolutely amazed at your fortitude. It felt liberating to throw away my Follistim pen on Thursday night after my trigger. On Friday I did have a few moments when it hurt to realize that this truly is the last shot with my OE. I'm an only child so I don't have any nieces or nephews to carry on my family's genetics and that does hurt. In total I've produced 25 eggs at CCRM. If 25 eggs doesn't get the job done, I think it's incredibly doubtful another cycle would do the trick. Plus, I'm just done emotionally and physically. Sure, there's a part of me that wants this cycle to succeed so that my baby will have my genetics, but that has become so much less important to me than just being a mom. I truly do believe that the universe will give me the child I'm meant to have.
Tonight we went to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner & then to Coldstone for ice cream (my stomach wasn't quite up for cheesecake although their new peanut butter cup cheesecake looked really yummy). I wanted to go to The Grand Lux for dinner (it's owned by the same company as TCF & they make many of their desserts during your meal...the chocolate molten cake is extraordinary & I'm not even a chocolate nut). However, we went to the Grand Lux after my retrieval this spring so, just in case it was my post-retrieval meal that screwed up that cycle, I refused to tempt fate and eat there again. I don't think I mentioned that while walking my dogs on the day I left Dallas for Denver, I found a penny that was heads up. It got tucked into a special place in my wallet. I then found 50 cents at the airport & was seated in Row 7 on my flight. Since I had 13 eggs last cycle and we all know how that turned out, I'm hoping lady luck will be on my side this cycle. Silly, I know.
I'm still not sleepy, but since I have to drive to the airport bright and early, I'd better try to at least rest a bit. I can't wait to get back home. I've missed my dad, my friends, and my pooches so much (the latter most of all, but don't tell anybody!).
Goodnight, ladies.
T.
Out of my hands now
ER went well. They retrieved a dozen eggs, which is slightly fewer than expected, but more in line with my E2 so I'm happy. The nurse said that at my last blood draw, my E2 went from 2,000 to 3,900 so that made me feel a bit more optimistic. My flight is at 10:30 tomorrow morning and the embryologist promised to call me before 10:00 with my fertilization report. Other than a slight bit of queasiness that comes & goes, I feel pretty good. I'll write more about how I'm feeling emotionally later, but wanted y'all to know how things went. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your support. It has meant the world to me.
Lots of love,
T.
Lots of love,
T.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Discouraged
My E2 only increased by 225 today. I just don't know what to make of this because with my two previous IVF cycles, I had a nice E2 increase the day of trigger. This morning my nurse said she expected a really nice jump in my E2 based on my follicle growth & my history so I was quite shocked when she called this evening. On my left ovary, eight of the nine follicles are at least 15mm. On my right ovary, only three of the eight follicles are 15mm or greater with several measuring 13-14mm so those have an outside shot at being mature. For 11 mature follicles, an E2 of 2,000 is about right so hopefully I'll still get a good number of mature follicles. I read last night that poor E2 rise the last four days of stims isn't a good sign. I guess overall my E2 tripled the last four days, but I'm very concerned with the crappy increases the past two days. I trigger at 9:30 tonight & my retrieval will be 8:30MT on Saturday morning.
T.
T.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Feeling like the wheels are coming off...
At my ultrasound this morning, I was thrilled to see that the follicles on my right ovary had a nice growth spurt since yesterday. Yesterday, the lady that scanned me estimated that I'd have 3-6 follicles from the right ovary and today she estimated 6-8 (same person both days). With such a great growth spurt in 24 hours, I assumed my E2 would take a nice jump, but it only rose by 20%. My E2 last cycle was 2,700 on trigger day & I ended up with 11 mature follicles. Right now my E2 is 1,825 and they're estimating I'll have 12-15 follicles > 15mm, which makes me wonder how many are going to be mature. It seems like most sites say that E2 should be 200/follicle although a few say 150/follicle. Either way, I need my E2 to take a nice jump tomorrow. It's my understanding that if E2 doubles every 48 hours, it's a positive sign for egg quality so I'm really bothered by this marginal increase. It just doesn't take much for me to start losing hope for a better outcome.
After my counseling session yesterday, I went to the receptionist to pay for the session. She told me there was no charge since this was something they required me to do. Just now I noticed a $300 charge on my credit card. For those of you doing DE, were you charged $300 for your counseling session?
I was feeling really run down today so we ended up staying here today. We went to see RED, which was a big disappointment. Tonight my throat started hurting a little bit. I really hope I'm not coming down with a cold right before my retrieval.
The only good news today is that the nurse seems to think Dr. Surrey will be doing retrievals on Saturday. Since he's my doctor & he did my last retrieval, I feel more comfortable with him doing this retrieval too.
T.
After my counseling session yesterday, I went to the receptionist to pay for the session. She told me there was no charge since this was something they required me to do. Just now I noticed a $300 charge on my credit card. For those of you doing DE, were you charged $300 for your counseling session?
I was feeling really run down today so we ended up staying here today. We went to see RED, which was a big disappointment. Tonight my throat started hurting a little bit. I really hope I'm not coming down with a cold right before my retrieval.
The only good news today is that the nurse seems to think Dr. Surrey will be doing retrievals on Saturday. Since he's my doctor & he did my last retrieval, I feel more comfortable with him doing this retrieval too.
T.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Slowly, but surely...
my little turtle follicles are crawling to the finish line. Today is stim day 11. My E2 doubled again over the last 48 hours and it looks like I have a shot at up to 15 mature eggs before it's all said and done (I think at least one is going to be too mature). No matter what happens, I know that CCRM has given me the very best shot at success with my OE. Before CCRM, I never dreamed I'd get 10+ eggs in a cycle.
It looks like I'll be stimming another two days and that my retrieval will be on Saturday. Excluding the cost of the additional medication, It's going to cost an extra $500 or so to be here an extra day (including changing our airline tickets), but it is what it is.
I had a second acupuncture session this afternoon and I plan to go again on Thursday. Since the follicles on my right side are a little behind those on the left side, the acupuncturist only did electrical stimulation on the right side today. I hope it gives the follicles on the right side the little extra push to make it to 15mm by Thursday.
I had a good session with the CCRM counselor today to discuss DE. I was really happy to find out that there were so many books geared for children of various ages that discuss DE. I think my only worry about DE is that it will take me a long time to find a suitable donor although I've decided to be flexible about hair color since I don't want to limit myself to only a handful of donors (I'm a redhead).
I've done so much shopping since I've been here that I'm going to have to ship some stuff home. I found some great deals at Macy's today and I had a coupon for an additional 20% off so I just couldn't pass any of it up. I'd been putting off buying winter clothes until I was here since I knew it would help me to fill up my days, but I can't recall a time when I've had this much luck shopping. It's been a lot of fun.
Tomorrow we're planning on going to The Garden of the Gods and Manitou Springs.
T.
It looks like I'll be stimming another two days and that my retrieval will be on Saturday. Excluding the cost of the additional medication, It's going to cost an extra $500 or so to be here an extra day (including changing our airline tickets), but it is what it is.
I had a second acupuncture session this afternoon and I plan to go again on Thursday. Since the follicles on my right side are a little behind those on the left side, the acupuncturist only did electrical stimulation on the right side today. I hope it gives the follicles on the right side the little extra push to make it to 15mm by Thursday.
I had a good session with the CCRM counselor today to discuss DE. I was really happy to find out that there were so many books geared for children of various ages that discuss DE. I think my only worry about DE is that it will take me a long time to find a suitable donor although I've decided to be flexible about hair color since I don't want to limit myself to only a handful of donors (I'm a redhead).
I've done so much shopping since I've been here that I'm going to have to ship some stuff home. I found some great deals at Macy's today and I had a coupon for an additional 20% off so I just couldn't pass any of it up. I'd been putting off buying winter clothes until I was here since I knew it would help me to fill up my days, but I can't recall a time when I've had this much luck shopping. It's been a lot of fun.
Tomorrow we're planning on going to The Garden of the Gods and Manitou Springs.
T.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Progressing Slowly
Well, it turns out that what my local RE's office saw at my baseline ultrasound was a small cyst, and not a follicle, on my right ovary. Fortunately, the cyst had shrunk by my first ultrasound at CCRM and it hasn't seemed to negatively impact my cycle. Last cycle Dr. Surrey called my follicles "a pack of turtles". My turtle follicles got off to an even slower start this cycle (my Estrogen after three days of stims was only 60 compared to 86 last cycle), which had me very distressed earlier this week. Fortunately, things have started progressing since they bumped up my Follistim and my Estrogen is now at 780. I have one follicle at 1.6cm and eight or so bunched between 1.0cm and 1.2cm along with a few smaller ones. Unlike last cycle, my Estrogen has at least doubled every 48 hours, which I've been told is an encouraging sign. Last cycle Dr. Surrey wasn't happy with my Estrogen rise midway through the cycle so he increased my Menopur dosage & decreased my Follistim dosage. Since I've read online that some doctors feel that Menopur can negatively impact egg quality, I'm relieved that we haven't had to increase my Menopur this cycle. I just hope that less Menopur and all of the supplements I've taken since June will somehow equal the golden embryo I've been searching for. I think I'm looking at a Friday retrieval. Anyone know which doctor does retrievals on Fridays?
On the Plan C front, on Thursday I met with one of the donor egg nurses. She said they did a lot of recruiting for donors at the first part of the college semester so there should be a good number of donors available very soon. I felt very comforted after meeting with the DE nurse. I'm so grateful that I have the option to do DE if this hail mary cycle doesn't work out. On Tuesday I'm meeting with the therapist that I met with at my ODWU. Since I'm using DS, I've already done a lot of research on how best to tell my future child about how he/she was created so, in that sense, moving onto DE is easier for me. In my head, I've planned out a book I'm going to write for my child to explain how he/she was created so, if DE is my future, I'll have to revise the story plan a little bit. This morning I filled out the form listing my physical preferences for my egg donor. Once CCRM has this form, a picture of me in my twenties, and a $2,500 deposit, I'll have access to the donor database. Since the deposit is refundable, I plan on moving forward with finding a donor as soon as possible since there will be a good number of donors made available very soon.
Cassie (Try Try Again blog) has always raved about 3 Margaritas so my mom & I went there for dinner the other night. It was hands down the best Mexican food I've had outside of the state of Texas. I usually don't even bother eating Mexican when I'm not at home because the salsa always tastes like picante sauce to me, but 3 Margarita's salsa had a nice kick to it. A few days ago we went to Blackhawk and I won some money at the casino, which was nice until I remembered that I'd have to do communicables, which wiped out my winnings & then some. We've also done quite a bit of clothes shopping and I found some really nice things for work. Today we went to Boulder, which is such a cool city. One of the ladies in my single moms group is trying to relocate to Boulder and now I can definitely see why. Tomorrow we're going to take a tour of the Coors brewery and I have tickets for the Mint on Thursday.
My mom's surgery to remove the tumor in her leg is set for November 22nd, which is the Monday before Thanksgiving. We'll all be very relieved when that's behind her.
T.
On the Plan C front, on Thursday I met with one of the donor egg nurses. She said they did a lot of recruiting for donors at the first part of the college semester so there should be a good number of donors available very soon. I felt very comforted after meeting with the DE nurse. I'm so grateful that I have the option to do DE if this hail mary cycle doesn't work out. On Tuesday I'm meeting with the therapist that I met with at my ODWU. Since I'm using DS, I've already done a lot of research on how best to tell my future child about how he/she was created so, in that sense, moving onto DE is easier for me. In my head, I've planned out a book I'm going to write for my child to explain how he/she was created so, if DE is my future, I'll have to revise the story plan a little bit. This morning I filled out the form listing my physical preferences for my egg donor. Once CCRM has this form, a picture of me in my twenties, and a $2,500 deposit, I'll have access to the donor database. Since the deposit is refundable, I plan on moving forward with finding a donor as soon as possible since there will be a good number of donors made available very soon.
Cassie (Try Try Again blog) has always raved about 3 Margaritas so my mom & I went there for dinner the other night. It was hands down the best Mexican food I've had outside of the state of Texas. I usually don't even bother eating Mexican when I'm not at home because the salsa always tastes like picante sauce to me, but 3 Margarita's salsa had a nice kick to it. A few days ago we went to Blackhawk and I won some money at the casino, which was nice until I remembered that I'd have to do communicables, which wiped out my winnings & then some. We've also done quite a bit of clothes shopping and I found some really nice things for work. Today we went to Boulder, which is such a cool city. One of the ladies in my single moms group is trying to relocate to Boulder and now I can definitely see why. Tomorrow we're going to take a tour of the Coors brewery and I have tickets for the Mint on Thursday.
My mom's surgery to remove the tumor in her leg is set for November 22nd, which is the Monday before Thanksgiving. We'll all be very relieved when that's behind her.
T.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Nervous
I think the first rule of infertility is that there must always be something to worry about. At my ultrasound on Saturday, I had what the technician believes to be a follicle that measured 10.8mm. In the many baseline ultrasounds I've had, I've never had a follicle >7mm so I'm confused as to why I've got one that's so big on CD2. My hormone levels looked fine so Dr. Surrey let me start stims on Saturday night. I'll have my first stim check tomorrow and I'm nervous that my little overachiever follicle is going to be huge & cause a problem for my cycle. Anyone have any experience with something like this?
Oh, and zen me has apparently left the building. There was a giant cluster about getting same day blood results on Saturday and I burst into tears not once, but twice because of the stress. I NEVER do that.
T.
Oh, and zen me has apparently left the building. There was a giant cluster about getting same day blood results on Saturday and I burst into tears not once, but twice because of the stress. I NEVER do that.
T.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Quick Update
My baseline ultrasound is tomorrow. The last couple of days I've felt some soreness in my ovaries, especially on the right side; however, I had soreness in May and I was cyst free so I'm trying not to freak out. Please please please let there be no cysts tomorrow.
T.
T.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Fried Chocolate
I went to the Texas State Fair yesterday. I easily skipped the fried beer, fried lemonade, fried frito pie (inexplicably, an award winner for best tasting item), and fried PB&J sandwiches, but I did sample the fried chocolate and, oh my, was it very gooooood! I also stood in line for a good 30 minutes for a Fletcher's corny dog so I definitely had my quota of fried foods for awhile. It was the first time I'd been to the fair in probably five years. Seeing all of the excited kids, I couldn't help but think about how badly I want to someday take my own child to these types of events. Hopefully someday.
I started Estrace yesterday and added Cetrotide this evening. It's funny because even though this is my third IVF, this afternoon I found myself feeling a bit anxious about having to do an injection this evening. It went fine, of course. My nurse expects AF to arrive on Thursday and I'm scheduled for my baseline ultrasound & bloodwork on Friday. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do if AF doesn't arrive on Thursday so I e-mailed my nurse this afternoon & I'm waiting on her reply. I just wish that the day after my scheduled ultrasound wasn't the weekend as I'm worried I won't be able to get in when I need to be seen. Hopefully this will all be a moot point and AF will cooperate for once, but it all has me pretty anxious.
I've had a couple bouts of anxiety over my upcoming cycle (mostly when I did my budget), but except for worrying about the timing of things, I've been surprisingly calm. It really doesn't feel real yet & part of that may be that last time I was canceled three times so a part of me expects something to come along and mess everything up. I really am usually a glass half full gal, but not when it comes to infertility.
In other news, after a bunch of stops & starts, I've finally managed to stick to my diet for six weeks straight & I've lost about 75% of the weight I gained during & after my cycle last spring. I was hoping to lose all of it, but at least I'm finally seeing the numbers on the scale getting smaller rather than bigger!
There's some stuff going on at work & I'm not sure how it's all going to shake out, but I'm hoping eventually it will lead to a new position. I'm really ready for a change after being in the same role for five years, especially since the role at this new company is very watered down compared to how challenging the role used to be. I finally decided that I can't keep putting every aspect of my life on hold in case I get pregnant. Feeling like my career has stagnated the last three years has been bothering me a lot so I'm really hoping that something exciting & new will come along soon.
Thinking of you all.
T.
I started Estrace yesterday and added Cetrotide this evening. It's funny because even though this is my third IVF, this afternoon I found myself feeling a bit anxious about having to do an injection this evening. It went fine, of course. My nurse expects AF to arrive on Thursday and I'm scheduled for my baseline ultrasound & bloodwork on Friday. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do if AF doesn't arrive on Thursday so I e-mailed my nurse this afternoon & I'm waiting on her reply. I just wish that the day after my scheduled ultrasound wasn't the weekend as I'm worried I won't be able to get in when I need to be seen. Hopefully this will all be a moot point and AF will cooperate for once, but it all has me pretty anxious.
I've had a couple bouts of anxiety over my upcoming cycle (mostly when I did my budget), but except for worrying about the timing of things, I've been surprisingly calm. It really doesn't feel real yet & part of that may be that last time I was canceled three times so a part of me expects something to come along and mess everything up. I really am usually a glass half full gal, but not when it comes to infertility.
In other news, after a bunch of stops & starts, I've finally managed to stick to my diet for six weeks straight & I've lost about 75% of the weight I gained during & after my cycle last spring. I was hoping to lose all of it, but at least I'm finally seeing the numbers on the scale getting smaller rather than bigger!
There's some stuff going on at work & I'm not sure how it's all going to shake out, but I'm hoping eventually it will lead to a new position. I'm really ready for a change after being in the same role for five years, especially since the role at this new company is very watered down compared to how challenging the role used to be. I finally decided that I can't keep putting every aspect of my life on hold in case I get pregnant. Feeling like my career has stagnated the last three years has been bothering me a lot so I'm really hoping that something exciting & new will come along soon.
Thinking of you all.
T.
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