Yep, that one.
"Do you have any kids?"
It's amazing how five little words can hurt so badly. I went for a pedicure yesterday and the lady doing my pedicure asked me the kids question before I'd even gotten settled into the pedicure chair. It was the second question she asked me (the first being what color polish did I want). I'm used to people building up to the kids question (usually they first ask my marital status since I don't wear a wedding ring) so I was completely blindsided by the question. I blinked back tears and responded that no, I did not have any kids and asked her if she did. Apparently, she and hubby have been married for four years and have just started trying to conceive. Thankfully, I had brought a magazine along to read so I had an excuse not to continue chit chatting about having kids. She was a very sweet lady and I hope she conceives easily, but boy did that brief exchange hurt like hell.
It took me a really long time to decide to put becoming a mom ahead of finding Mr. Right (I certainly hope that I've just reversed the order and I'll find Mr. Right down the road). I've made peace with the fact that my life isn't going to be the way I always thought it'd be (marriage first...then two or three kids, each spaced three years apart and, of course, conceived the fun way). Besides the fact that this has been a really difficult week, I think the exchange hurt because it made me feel very alone.
On a lighter note, I went to see "Inception" today and it was incredible. I highly recommend it. I've decided that tomorrow is the day for me to clean up my diet for my upcoming IVF cycle (cutting out sodas & sugar, etc.) so I wanted a "last supper". We went to Grand Lux for dinner and then ordered their chocolate molten cake for dessert...soooo yummy!!
T.
I hate that question, sounds like you handled yourself really well. What colour polish did you choose?
ReplyDeleteOPI's, Dim Sum Plum (I love their names). Gorgeous color!
ReplyDeleteI think that is the advantage to going to a manicure place where the manicurists only speak limited English, which is usually the case around here. No idle chit-chat, just the basic manicure questions. I'll have to look for that color though - it sounds great.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you liked Inception. We loved it so much we might go again when we are out in Denver, where we'll have plenty of time for movies.
Hey T,
ReplyDeleteI HATE that question too. I am not seemed to be bothered by it when the question comes from strangers (weird). But the question makes my toes curl when I hear it from long time aquaintances (just heard it the other night at the music festival - A's face was a pained response of "no").
OH and I love OPI colours too! I've got a few that I have at home and do my toes regularly.
AND another thing...I was online ivf.ca today on the "surrogacy and donors" board and provided your blog to a single gal TTC. She felt so alienated and alone and her RE just told her it's best she move onto donor eggs. She's from Toronto. Hope you don't mind...
Have a great day.
I don't mind at all, Lisa. There's a yahoogroup (DE_DSGroup) for single gals doing DE/DS that might be a good resource for her. I've learned a lot from reading the old messages and it has helped me to feel less alone.
ReplyDeleteT.
I truly hate this question as well... I was just thinking about this question the other day. It stings with what I am missing... and the awkward pause/silence after the response of 'no, i don't have kids' is deafening... like okay, there is nothing left to talk about...
ReplyDelete