For the last week or so, I've been thinking more & more about skipping the CCS testing this time & simply doing a fresh transfer. I can't believe I even typed those words as I went to CCRM in the first place for their CCS testing. I swore I'd do ANYTHING, anything at all to avoid another miscarriage. Yet, right now, emotionally, I feel more optimistic with a fresh transfer.
Before CCRM, I did five IUIs & one IVF. On the two IUIs that I conceived, I only had two eggs (the other three IUIs that resulted in BFNs, I only had a single egg each time). On my local IVF cycle, I only had two embryos. So despite a grand total of nine eggs and even fewer embryos since they surely didn't all fertilize with my IUIs, I got pregnant three times. No wonder when I headed to Colorado, I fully expected to make a good percentage of blasts. I figured finding a normal might be a needle in a haystack situation. To this day, I still can't quite wrap my head around the fact that I had eight embryos that looked great on day three, but only one survived to blast (three made it to early blast, but were disintegrating). Dr. Surrey is of the opinion that if an embryo doesn't make it to blast in CCRM's lab, it wasn't competent. From what I've read, SIRM, which does their CCS testing on day three, has also found that those embryos that don't make it to blast were almost always chromosomally abnormal. I believe them, but I can't shake this feeling that just maybe my eggs do better inside of me and that my only slim hope is to do a day three transfer.
On the other hand, I do like the idea of having the stim meds out of my system before transfer, especially because of my history of biochemical pregnancies and my fibroid that seems to grow while I'm on stims. I suppose I could have them freeze everything on day three & then return for an FET, but that seems silly since the cost of the CCS testing isn't that much more than an FET. Plus, do I really want to go through all of the trouble of doing an FET if the embryos are abnormal (and may result in another miscarriage)?
Given the quality of my abnormal blast, Dr. Surrey felt like there was a good chance that if I'd done a fresh transfer, it would have implanted & resulted in another loss. He's of the opinion that we should do CCS testing if I'm going to cycle with my OE again. That's probably what I'll do, but I wish I felt certain I was doing the right thing.
In other news, my manager's boss asked her if I'd be interested in a new role she's creating. It's a process change driver role and, apparently, no one else is interested even though it's a promotion. I read the job description and the first qualification listed is 5-10 years with the company. I've only been with the company for six months (we were acquired) and 95% of what I've been doing has been the old company's processes & procedures so how the heck am I the right person to drive all of these changes when I don't have a clue about the current processes? They're obviously desperate. It wouldn't be so daunting expect that this is an unbelievably complicated organization, seriously, I've never seen anything like it & I've worked for really large companies in the past. Anyway, driving process changes isn't really my cup of tea & it's not my strongest skill. If it weren't for the IF stuff, I might suck it up & work a bazillion hours to hopefully win some brownie points since they're desperate, but I just can't deal with that type of stress right now. I may live to regret this decision since I'm not sure how much I'm going to be needed in my current role down the road (although, fortunately, the controller seems to really like me), but worst case I'll get a nice package since they'll recognize my years of service with the previous company. At times it really bothers me that my career has kind of stalled the past few years, but I've had so much support from my manager when it comes to my IF that I haven't wanted to give that up to find something better. Please let all of this be worth it someday.
T.
Such a tough decision with regard to CCS...it was for us too but we've made the decision to undergo CCS. And good luck in your decision about your job offer/change...
ReplyDeleteTake care...
Oh how I wish these decisions were easier.
ReplyDeleteDr. M at CCRM may be the only one there who believes that in a very small percentage of women the embryo might do better in the woman than the lab. She never thought our issues were chromosomal necessarily so she never pushed for CCS testing. However, she also knew we never made a large number of embryos and the chances of having a decent number to test were low. We did do a day 3 freeze all and transferred the four best looking ones. It resulted, sadly, in a chemical pregnancy, the only pregnancy I've ever had in my entire TTC.
Your history and mine are quite different, considering you have conceived several times. I have also seen women have bad cycles and then go on on the next cycle to produce several normal blasts...which makes it even harder to know what to do.
I know I haven't helped AT ALL, but just wanted you to know I've agonized through these decisions too...and it's hard.
HUGS.
This is a very hard decision. I have a few thoughts, though they are just that, so take them as you like.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I agree that if an embryo doesn't make it to blast, it probably wasn't normal. However, that does not mean that if an embryo does make it to blast, it is normal. We all know how many people (the two of us included) have had blasts test abnormal. So pushing to blast really can't substitute for testing (though I know that's not what you were suggesting).
Secondly, we also know that plenty of people have made a small number of blasts and still had one normal out of them (remember that I actually had only one blast to test once, and it was normal. Crappy, but normal.)
So I know that it might not feel like it makes much sense to test if you are making so few blasts, but if you really want to decrease your chance of miscarriage, it is your best bet.
Remember that every cycle is different, and you never know what you'll get next time. I can't remember - are you taking those new supplements, or DHEA or will you try Saizen? I can't remember if you did those before.
And finally - yes, as you point out, the testing really doesn't cost much more than just doing a freeze-all.
So in case you can't tell, my vote is for testing. But I trust that you will make the decision that is right for you. Good luck!