It was always assumed that my fertility issue was old, worn out eggs. Never in a million years did I think that I would long for the day that was my diagnosis rather than the maddening, frustrating, hopeless "unexplained" label. A few weeks ago, I had my official regroup with Dr. Surrey and I asked him if he thought my latest biochemical pregnancy was an embryo issue or a uterine issue. He said he's leaning towards a unterine issue that they just can't see. He said the last rock to look under is the beta integrin biopsy. Well, on Thursday I got my beta integrin results and, of course, everything is perfectly fine. Just like my perfect embryo that thawed perfectly that my body somehow failed to allow to implant properly. I've grown to hate the word "perfect". I guess I should be glad he told me that my remaining embryo wasn't quite perfect.
If I do an FET, Dr. Surrey suggested we try the endometrial scraping. I'm just not sure I want to continue to bang my head against the wall. I want to be a mom and if that can't happen with my genes and/or my body, I'll deal. But what variable do I change or do I change both variables? That question keeps me awake at night. I wish I knew the answer. I've considered cycling one more time to try to get another normal or two before moving on to a surrogate. I've also considered doing a DE cycle with the thought that if I fail a DE cycle, it pretty much confirms Dr. Surrey's suspicion that something is wrong with my body and then, hopefully, I'd have a good number of quality embryos to use with a surrogate. I just don't know what to do. I just know that never being a mom is not an option for me so I keep on keeping on even though many days I can hardly breathe this all hurts so damn much.
T.
T I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are. The " unexplained" is so maddening and frustrating. For me, it was clear that my eggs were bad as I was a poor responder, produced few eggs and had bad fert. The decision to move to DE was easy. Once that failed as well it was so much harder to move to a GC because all connection was lost. I guess my point is to try and 1variable t a time. Which to choose? The easier one for you to wrap your head around.
ReplyDeleteThis sucks for you, but you are right...you WILL be a mother!
I am so sorry to hear that you have also received the "unexplained" diagnosis. I did the endometrial scraping with my last FET, and I think I would do it again should we ever have the chance.
ReplyDeleteI had to walk away for now. Moving onto adoption. There are still days that I yearn to be back in the throws of treatment, but I am starting to make my peace with not having a biological child.
You are in my thoughts, my friend!
Ugh on the uncertainty of it all!
ReplyDeleteI think I would do the endometrial biopsy/scraping. I think even without the missing proteins the scraping does cause the uterus to repair itself and better prepare for implantation. But I know it's so hard to know what to do next...
I have made complete peace without having a biological child and without experiencing pregnancy. I wasn't certain I could ever say that but it's true. The peace I feel now is something I wasn't sure I'd ever get and however you get there, it's that peace that I wish for you.
Hugs to you TXGirlie...hang in there. Take care...
ReplyDeleteIt does suck to have no explanation for our infertility. I think it sounds like you are on the right track though - I agree that doing the scraping couldn't hurt. And if an FET with your eggs doesn't work, yes, move on to DE and hopefully have some embryos to spare to use with a surrogate if that doesn't work. That seems like a natural progression to me, and if you have the means and the emotional support, which it sounds like you do, go for it! I know that you are going to get there!
ReplyDeletehttp://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&q=local+injury+to+endometrium&as_sdt=0%2C10&as_ylo=&as_vis=0
ReplyDeleteCheck out those abstracts.