I've sat down a few times to try to write a new post, but I've struggled with putting words to my feelings. My FET is scheduled for 17 days from today. I am absolutely terrified. Terrified that the FET will fail. Even more terrified that I'll miscarry again. I even have moments when I think about postponing the FET a little longer because somehow there's comfort in knowing my two embryos are there waiting for me.
It's a long story and the details aren't really important, but something happened in December that brought back a lot of the emotional pain of my miscarriage last year. I honestly thought I'd put the pain behind me, but I definitely had the scab yanked off and for awhile it felt like it had happened recently rather than over a year ago. I think that having the reminder of the devastation I felt last year has made me skittish heading into the FET. There simply aren't any guarantees even with CCS normal embryos. I keep reminding myself that a lot is different this time (CCS testing, CCRM's lab, no stim drugs in my system), but the fear of miscarrying is really weighing heavily on me. I made an appointment with my therapist on Thursday and I'm hoping she can give me some suggestions for coping.
T.
I am so sorry you had the scab yanked off. I hope your FET goes smoothly and ends with a BFP. You are in the best possible hands, but I understand why it's terrifying. Best wishes!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I don't have words of comfort, as I am the one who defied the odds, even at the amazing CCRM. But I do know that I went in with gusto, and felt that I gave it my all. That's all that any of us can do. Sending you big hugs and positive thoughts that this FET will finally be IT for you!
ReplyDeleteWhat you are experiencing is sooo normal before any FET. I went through it too. Take care and good luck on your upcoming transfer!
ReplyDeleteT- I know the feelings you speak about well. Feeling SO afraid to move forward because on paper it should work. I hope in 16 days your transfer is seemless as will be a pregnancy that continues. We are here for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you have fears but they are completely understandable. Hoping your therapist gave you some comfort ....
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